Things from the mind of Xynth and Koari

Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Surviving the zombie apocalypse.

If you are like me, you are constantly evaluating your situation for its survivability factor. If you are not – you should be! O_o

These helpful morsels will give you the edge when the next zombie infestation occurs in your town. They are also useful for less interesting, but more common muggings, home invasions, crazed postal workers or family reunions.

Wear sensible shoes.

You cannot outrun Rage zombies in heels. Even if you are impressively skilled (You know who you are) heels can break, or trip you in dark, uncertain terrain. A broken ankle can mean death. You could probably outrun slow zombies, but a good solid shoe can protect you from bites when you’re climbing out a high window.

Quiet please.

Try to be quiet. Know where your creaky floorboards are. If you can’t avoid noise (perhaps you are sheltering an infant, or valuable chicken) try to go someplace that has abundant ambient noise (eg – that fountain in the mall, or even better, the generator on the roof)

Know where your breach points are.

You should know where they can break in, where they may have visibility of you (or your pets/friends) If you must barricade yourself in a building – try to get off the first floor and into a location you may be able to jump down from. Roof access is ideal. You should know how to barricade your widows with an “Expedit” bookshelf.

Know your escape route.

This is closely tied to the prior point. If you know where they are coming, you should know where you are going. Rate a location on its defendability and availability of defensive weaponry – eg: your old croquet stick, office paper cutter. Be wary of a location that has too many access points, as you could be swarmed.

Exercise

Yeah, I fail this one. If I had to race away from a horde, I would probably succumb to a heart attack first. Being in shape will help your social status, but also increase your survivability. Women, muscles –are- sexy, especially as you pry a clammy, undead hand off my face. Some martial arts training can help you keep your cool when stressed, and fend off the roving pirates that will appear in the absence of working law enforcement.

First Aid

There is no reason you shouldn’t know emergency first aid. You can save your own skin, or someone else’s. In an apocalyptic situation, that may be the only care you can get.

Consumables

Know how to purify water. Keep snack bars, matches and rope nearby. I recommend this handy tool for your everyday attire: http://www.survivalstraps.com . If you require medication to live (or procreate safely – hey, needs are needs) keep some on you, or nearby, and know where you can loot some. Be prepared to barter, and learn how to siphon gas / ride a horse.

Have your priorities in order

If you are going to attempt a rescue, you may have to decide who first, grandma or cousin? For some of us its Cat, or Cheetos? The less you have to debate later, the faster you can act. Be prepared to leave your collection of Gundams behind.

Practice your FPS skills

Ranged weaponry is optimal against a melee target. You should know by now that crippling shots are more effective against this type of target (incidentally, also PCP hogs). A torso shot will be ineffective unless you have a hand-cannon. Try for a leg, it’s debilitating and and a lot better if you mistake someone living for a zombie >.> Sturdy blunt weaponry is better at close range (arms length at least). All in all though – save the heroism for movies. If you don’t have to face one down – don’t. Run first, fight as a last resort. As most zombianism is spread through blood contact, (note: a bite from a normal human can kill you almost as fast) stay back.

Everyone (who has thought about zombies) will be headed for costco.

Most people who have thought about this, will head straight for their nearest costco. So – either get their first, grab supplies and get out, or find a new, less popular target. Remember, there may be only a couple ways into costco – but that also means there are only a couple ways out, and more people, means higher probability of zombie infection.

Don’t trust the government.

While I wouldn’t turn down a roof rescue from a navy helo, and the sight of a tank is much preferable to a writhing mass of brain-hungry undead, the government’s priorities would be to 1) neutralize the outbreak and 2) profit. So you are likely to either be nuked, or experimented on. They may however be willing to barter for supplies: cigarettes for combat boots? It’s not unheard of.

In the end, you can never be fully prepared for an outbreak (unless you are a deranged hermit that is capable of survivng off of rotten food, like myself).  If you follow these guidelines, you may live long enough to be horribly masticated a few months later.

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